Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
