My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
