Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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