Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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