you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
