I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
