Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
