Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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