I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
