becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
