whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
