Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
