wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
