I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
