You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
