"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
