someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
