i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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