How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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