Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
