Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
