How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you win again, gameday.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
