Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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