I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
