First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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