Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
