I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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