You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
