By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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