can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
