Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
