no, he came in my armpit
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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