I wish my penis had an off switch
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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