He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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