I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
