I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
