mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
