I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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