is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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