if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
