then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
