So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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