so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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