I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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