when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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