I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
