ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
