the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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