rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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