i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
