one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
