idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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