Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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