Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
